Monthly Archives: February 2015

Fuck You, Kanye West

"I'ma let you shut the fuck up, Yeezus."

“I’ma let you shut the fuck up, Yeezus.”

Happy Mondays, kids! I actually had an extra-long article I wrote up over the last few days for your reading pleasure this morning. Not saying it was my finest work to date or anything, but it was one of those Top 5 lists that seem to be abuzz on the blogosphere. And frankly I was rather excited about finishing it up today and presenting for my Monday article.

And then the fucking Grammys happened.

Surely you’ve heard by now about the bullshit pantywaisted shitfit Kanye West pulled regarding Beck receiving Best Album, right? I mean, hell, it’s not like we actually watched the most useless awards presentation out there when fucking Walking Dead and Better Call Saul premiered at the same time. But anyway, if you’re not aware, Beck’s Morning Phase received the award for Best Album. And, as an homage of sorts to his 2009 diss on Taylor Swift, Kanye West walked onstage, went up to the mic, laughed and stepped away. Now, considering the look on Jay-Z’s face when he did it -one of abject horror, to the delight of many since he’s fairly stoic and reserved- it would have been just a pretty great joke. Unfortunately the laws regarding Yeezy being a douchebag are as immutable as those regarding bodies in motion and at rest. Backstage while being interviewed, the lowly piece of shit said this:

“Because what happens is, when you keep on diminishing art and not respecting the craft and smacking people in the face after they deliver monumental feats of music, you’re disrespectful to inspiration and we, as musicians, have to inspire people who go to work every day and they listen to that BeyoncĂ© album and they feel like it takes them to another place.”

Then they do this whole promotional event, they’ll run the music over somebody’s speech, the artist, because they want commercial advertising. Like, no, we not playing with them no more. By the way, I got my wife, my daughter and my clothing line, so I’m not going to do nothing to put my daughter at risk but I am here to fight for creativity. That’s the reason why I didn’t say anything tonight. But you all know what it meant when ‘Ye walks on the stage.”

Really, fuckhead? I took this shit in stride when you interrupted Taylor Swift’s speech because I personally don’t consider her music all that great (even though she writes her own shit.) But this is a FUCKING INSULT. Beck is the very fount of creativity and artistry, and for Kanye to say otherwise makes him sound pretty goddamned stupid. I said it already on my personal FB page, but it bears repeating: When I think of creativity at its finest, I think of Beck. When I think of 12 writers collaborating over ONE song that doesn’t even have as many lyrics as it has writers, I think of Beyonce. No disrespect to the woman, who looks, sings, and IS simply amazing. But considering her music is basically manufactured by others, she’s more of a product than an artist. Beck puts his everything in his music. And just because you can’t understand that shit doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be regarded as at LEAST as creative as ‘All the Single Ladies’ sung ten fucking times in a row. In fact, it makes me wonder if his problem happens to be he doesn’t think white people can be as creative as blacks. I don’t ever plan on winning a Grammy for music -more of a metal/punk/alternative sound myself- but if I did, that fucker better think twice about hopping up and disrespecting my stage.

Lord knows it would be an interesting impromptu performance of me shoving two turntables and a microphone up his sorry ass.

Dear Attention Whores,


Happy Mondays, kids! Today is February 2nd, which newly-elected Governor of Texas Greg Abbott has declared to be recognized as Chris Kyle Day. And I for one cannot fucking WAIT to see who the next Hollywood dickheaded busybody is who tweets something about him or American Sniper by painting a decidedly racist/psychotic/Hitleresque light on his character. You see, old Chris wrote a book detailing his exploits while in Iraq (and maybe Afghanistan; I haven’t read the book or seen the movie yet, so I’ll be relatively neutral in my opinions, unlike some folks who should know better.) Anyway some folks feel like he wasn’t being honest about his number of kills, or the murder of two would-be car jackers that somehow escaped media attention, or the time he beat the shit out of Jesse Ventura (which I personally HOPE happened, but am not too sure myself.) You see, sometimes soldiers have a tendency to ‘spin a bit of a yarn’ when it comes to talking about their times in the suck. And from my experience, the Navy dudes are the most prolific of these selfsame storytellers. Hell, I was very tempted at one point to start up a website where military vets could go in and regale the reader with tales of events that occurred whilst on duty. 9 times out of 10 for a seaman, it’ll involve the Phantom Shitter, some guy who picks the most random-yet-obvious spots on the boat to drop a stinky bomb. I shit you not (no pun intended,) EVERY Navy guy I’ve talked to who served time on a ship has a Phantom Shitter story. And they are all fucking HILARIOUS.

Okay, now I’m wanting to do the website again. NO STEALING, FUCKERS!

Anyhow, like I said, some of our brave men and women on the field of battle tend to overembellish their experiences. And Chris Kyle might be amongst that group. But he also was trained to become one of the most badassed soldiers on the field, so why wouldn’t he go above and beyond his expected kill quota?

Which brings me to the next group: the assfucks who refer to him as some psychotic, unrepentant, racist murderer just because he had a tendency to do his job a little TOO well. Hate the war all you want, but when you pretend to give a fuck by referring to our soldiers as ‘children being sent to fight battles by old men,” you’re talking about Chris. So when you come around and then accuse him of being some psychopath? NOW who’s trying to spin a fucking yarn? It’s always the same shit, too.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

“Let’s stop pretending our soldiers in Iraq are really fighting for our freedom.”
You know what, cocksucker? FUCK YOU. They have no choice in this matter but to go where ordered to go. Sure, they can indulge in your thoughtless fucking whimsies and employ ‘cognitive dissonance,’ but that shit usually results in being brought in front of a military tribunal and told to kiss daylight goodbye for a few years. They are now at the mercy of the tribunal’s decision, which will likely be a military prison that does not have the luxuries required of prisons built for the rest of us.

“I read a few excerpts provided by far-left news sources, and him talking about enjoying killing Iraqis struck me as completely racist.”
Really? How? He was sent to Iraq to kill a certain group of people hell-bent on making the region worse for EVERYONE. But these fucks act like he was sitting on top of a roof and taking potshots at every man, woman, and child within the range of his scope. I’d think his record number of kills would be a tad higher if that were the case. No, this is the kind of shit that is spewed by people who have NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. My brother-in-law was stationed for a tour in Iraq, and was told by a citizen that every household in Iraq has at least one fully-automatic Kalashnikov AK-47. If the general populace had a problem with American soldiers marching on their soil, we would FUCKING KNOW ABOUT IT. So, despite the very fucked up and stupid idea you may have created to justify your perpetual malaise toward basically EVERYTHING, Chris Kyle and others were there to help liberate the Iraqi people. Might not have been to enforce our own freedoms as Americans, but it WAS done to preserve freedom itself, which is pretty goddamn noble, if you ask me. And those who keep trying to muzzle the debate by pretending that somehow he was racist by saying he hated Iraqis may be painting a more intolerant picture than Mr. Kyle ever did. We get it; when you think of Iraq, all you see is brown people. Some of us might choose to distinguish the Iraqi people a little better than that, asshole.

Anyway, I hope all of you have a very wonderful Chris Kyle Day. I myself choose this day to respect ALL our brave Texas-born military veterans. And for those of you little bitches so starved for attention that you seem to think bashing the efforts of a dead man will somehow sate it, please be cemented in the knowledge that ultimately we don’t give a fuck what you think one way or another. The military will always be there to defend your right to be a fucking cunt.