Monthly Archives: January 2015

Absence of Hypocrisy


Happy Mondays, kids! So, the Cowboys got robbed this weekend, despite one hell of an effort combined with one bullshit NFL rule that got called. I’ve been enjoying a rather pragmatic approach to this argument, if only because facts and lucidity often make Cowboys fans lose their shit more easily. For instance, positing this question: “Isn’t this Dez Bryant’s profession? And if so, then shouldn’t he fucking KNOW about this rule? Because he sure as shit looked more surprised than ANYONE.” Ahh, that got some teeth a’grinding.

Anyway, I can only assume this is what kept President Obama from attending the Charlie Hebdo rally in Gay Paree. Which is perfectly acceptable, of course.

Oh, wait. I forgot. Fuck Obama and everything he does, right?

Nah, he gets a pass on this one, despite the world media theater positively fellating themselves over his absence. And you want to know why? Because there were many world leaders in attendance at this rally for press freedoms that have violated that very thing many times over (a detailed series of tweets showing who was in attendance and their respective violation can be read here.) In the face of all this glaring hypocrisy, I personally find it nice that the Obama administration did not choose to indulge in this farce. After all, this current band of despots idiolected by the nation’s populasses is the most aggressive in our history when it comes to prosecuting journalists for disclosing unauthorized leaks. Why the fuck would they need to defend something they violate regularly?

Love them or hate them, at least they’re not being arrogant, prickish hypocrites about this one.

Poking The Hornet’s Nest

The cover reads: Death in Egypt: The Quran is Shit, and This (Quran) Cannot Stop Bullets - French-Speaking Fatters

The cover reads: Death in Egypt: The Quran is Shit, and This (Quran) Cannot Stop Bullets – French-Speaking Fatters

Hello, kids! Yep, Ol’ Fatters has gone derelict in his writing duties once again. But I’m about to say something that may make some of you guys wish I’d stayed incognito for the holiday break: 12 people have been found dead today after an attack on a Paris satirical that frequently mocked Islam and the prophet Muhammad. Now, don’t get me wrong: this behavior is childish and inane. And I in no way, shape, or form condone violence, especially when it’s over some made-up shit in the first place. But WE FUCKING KNOW how these radical Muslims are.

WE FUCKING KNOW they’re batshit crazy militants who seem to think they get to pop 72 cherries if they blow themselves up, along with whoever-the-fuck else is in the radius of the explosion (more often than not? Other Muslims.)

WE FUCKING KNOW they will shit themselves in fury over the portrayal of their beloved prophet, even if it’s him kissing fucking babies (assuming he doesn’t marry them afterward.) FUN LITTLE FACT: The Islamic world has historically deemed art in the form of images to be blasphemous. They consider what we Westerners call calligraphy to be more appreciative art than statues or drawings.

And WE SURE AS FUCK KNOW they’re too fucking stupid and indoctrinated in their myriad falsehoods to take the time out and say, “Sure, this is some fucked-up, insulting shit. But I’m not in some country where Sharia law takes prevalence. And I went out of my way to fucking move here anyway, so maybe I should just deal with it.”

No, we may posit other circumstances (is this the face of their religion, et al.) But whether this is the mindset of a scant few or several billion people, the one constant is there actually ARE people who will justify their bullshit actions under the auspice of religious conviction.

That being said, French muslims have been bleating incessantly about this publication’s discriminate practices. And really, what were they trying to do anyway? Laugh in the face of diversity by telling a bunch of people they’re not allowed to think or act a certain way? Were these scions of satire actually TRYING to martyr themselves? If so, the irony is pretty fucking thick here, isn’t it?

I know, I know: fuck these thoughts, Fatters. The French people have every right to express themselves as their stinky-cheese-riddled minds wish. And the backlash on this will be decidedly anti-muslim in general for several weeks to come, no doubt about that. And ONCE AGAIN I’m not going to condone such terrorism. But I’m not going to pretend this is a surprise, either. You choose to mock another’s religion, you may want to stick to the more noticeably peaceful ones, like Buddhism or Midwest Christianity.

Because, as the title of this shit-piece suggests, WE FUCKING KNOW what happens when you poke the hornet’s nest.