Monthly Archives: July 2014

Giving Responsible People A Bad Name?

NOT PICTURED: Reddest fucking neck EVER

NOT PICTURED: Reddest fucking neck EVER

The guy in the photo above posted this picture on Facebook, which set off an immediate flurry of outrage amongst Facebook’s Moral Police. My first reaction to this was “Yeah, if the cat’s okay, then let’s not arrest him. But for fuck’s sake, PLEASE TAKE AWAY HIS GUN!” And why did I think that? Because my initial thought was that he’s giving responsible gun owners a bad name.

No, I actually thought that nonsensical shit.

Really, how the hell does that statement, which I’ve heard a lot (especially in the last few years,) make any fucking sense? If I’m a responsible person, how does some random stranger’s irresponsibility affect me? IT DOESN’T. But you know why this bullshit is even posited by those of us in the rational world? Because somewhere out there, closer than you’d like, is some dumbfuck who actually thinks this other dumbfuck’s actions are indicative of all people who own and operate guns. The next time you hear someone say the statement “He/She gives responsible gun owner’s a bad name,” please remind them just how fucking stupid they sound. Even better, if they own a pet, ask them if Michael Vick gave them a bad name somehow.

Okay, kids? Have a good weekend. I’d say ‘be safe out there,’ but fuck it. Do what you want. If it doesn’t affect me directly, it doesn’t affect me at all.

De-Tweeted

biggs1

Thank Fuck It’s Friday! Sure, Ol’ Fatters hasn’t bothered posting this week, but that was just because shit wasn’t riling me up. Also I’ve been very busy doing important stuff (read: smoking Macanudo Courts, sipping Laphroaig, and watching the 3rd season of Walking Dead; yep, it’s been pretty productive!)

But then yesterday evening, SHIT OCCURRED IN THE NETSTREAM.

Jason Biggs, famously known for fucking a pie, caught a world of grief when he posted a relatively innocuous joke regarding Malaysian Airlines (if you’ve been hiding in your WoW/Minecraft/Mario Cart world, an MH17 was shot down in the Ukraine yesterday morning.) Here’s the “controversial” tweet:

This is a screenshot.  He had to delete the original tweet, due to the widespread pussification of sorry fucks everywhere.  It's the pathetic Internet equivalent of the zombie apocalypse, aka The Wanking Douche.

This is a screenshot. He had to delete the original tweet, due to the widespread pussification of sorry fucks everywhere. It’s the pathetic Internet equivalent of the zombie apocalypse, aka The Wanking Douche.

Almost immediately other idiots who unfortunately registered for a Twitter account swarmed in and feigned offense at the joke. Biggs responded as anyone who’s aware of the social media site he’s on would: by calling them assholes and pussies. But before he could find other body parts to name off, he decided to delete his tweet and apologize for offending a bunch of dumbfucks who probably aren’t even fans of his.

Okay, I’m sick of this shit. A host of celebrities have been crucified on Twitter and lost their jobs for making jokes because most people have too delicate a sensibility to even BE on that fucking site. Let me explain what Twitter is, folks: it is a place where you can receive up-to-the-minute news from people who make it a point to do so in a raw, uncensored, and if you’re cool enough to recognize such, FUNNY manner. Sure, you also have your lesser feeds; actual news sources, political pundits, and the occasional narcissist who can’t stop talking about him/herself. But mostly? It’s for people to make great jokes, and those in on the scheme to get a good chuckle out of it. It’s an ESCAPE, people. You want to fuck with others’ way of life? Save that shit for the real world. You want to bitch about something, and expose your complete lack of an emotional barometer? Go the fuck on Facebook. Or better yet, Google Plus, since no one is on there. Basically I’m trying to say is NOWHERE does anyone give two shits about what offends you.

So here’s the deal: the next time I hear some shit about a group of people going on Twitter and bitching because someone said something they don’t like, I’m simply going to post a message on that person’s page that says “GET THE FUCK OFF OF TWITTER,” and I hope a legion of other Twitterers(?) will do the very same. Because some people need to realize that mayyybe they’ve become too soft for this world. And guess what, fuckheads? The Internet has not become so encompassing that you’re incapable of ignoring shit you don’t like. If you don’t like what Jason Biggs had to say (btw, it was fucking FUNNY,) then DON’T FUCKING FOLLOW HIM ON TWITTER.

Or, better yet, take my advice and get the fuck off of Twitter.

Oh, and next time Biggs tweets something ‘controversial?’ The proper reply is “Fuck off, Larry.”