Monthly Archives: September 2013

MOTHERBITCH.

Happy Mondays, kids! Yer old buddy Fatters usually has a great degree of respect for bikers. Often on my morning commute I’ll see a guy on his motorcycle, and I feel this deep sense of jealousy, because I too would like a good chance to die before I get to work. I know they’re out there, so I look for them (usually under Lexus SUV’s) And really, just about every biker friend I have has said the same thing: I DO NOT NEED TO BE ON TWO WHEELS. I assume this is because I’m too spontaneous, and not because they’re trying to subtly tell me I have a serious drinking problem. So, that being said, I have much envy and respect for bikers, blah, blah, yadda, yadda.

Except for these assholes.

A Manhattan man was beaten and had his face slashed by a gang of cocksuckers bikers while trying to escape after running over the biggest asshole of them all in his SUV, in a desperate bid to get his wife and five-month-old child to safety. You may have noticed the slightest bit of bias in that last sentence, but it’s only because I’m a human fucking being. From the beginning of the video (graciously sent to us by one of the bikers, whose motive in this whole story is the only one I can possibly question,) this helmeted dipshit was steadily crowding the lane on the SUV. Then to add fuckheadedness to assholery, he got in front of the SUV and brake-checked them. When the guy stopped to check and make sure everything was okay, well, let’s assume someone cloned the first asshole a dozenfold, because his buddies decided to start damaging the vehicle. Now, I’m sure most of you would think this is the guy’s cue to step out and fight these guys like a man, and protect your wife from getting raped and your baby from getting eaten, right? And I’m sure that was his first thought, up until he realized he was in a Range Rover, and just went Canyon Guy on their ho asses.

I read about this account in the NY Post today, and was directed to the original YouTube video in the Comments Section (naturally after sifting through libtard-nazi-teabagger-faggot-nigger talk, of course.) So I sat through the whole headshaking ordeal, all 6 minutes and 27 seconds of it. And the only thing I couldn’t figure out was where the cops were this whole time. I mean surely SOMEONE -Range Rover Guy, looking at you- had one of those cellular phones you’ve probably read about on your iPhone. Maybe it’s the Texan in me, but if you’re going to insist that a man can’t protect his wife and infant child with a gun, then maybe you could bring one of yours a little more quickly.

It’s also the Texan in me to lock my fucking doors (apparently.)

Hello world!

deal_with_it

Well, here we are.  Our first venture into the currently-present unknown, and all the amazing wonderment that comes along.  I’m fortunate to have met up with someone who’s willing to host this pile of shit, and all the something we can do with it.  You see, about over a decade ago I found myself in a bit of a bind.  I had a college degree, and absolutely no one who gave a shit about its…well, ANYTHING.  So I used a skill that my high school standardized testing said I didn’t do very by-the-book, but I knew I could pull off: writing vividly about what I was thinking at any given time.  And it turned out I was pretty damn good at it, according to some 1/4 million people after a looong while.  It didn’t hurt that I networked my way into the faith of the upper echelon of the Sick Site Network, who gave me one helluva podium to voice my drunken opinion.  Now here we are, after years of me just watching the thing I helped catapult regress to an absolute void, we’re now where I want us to be: a new beginning.  A brand new start.

A REJASONING.

Welcome to the good times, baby.