Salute Your Shorts

Happy Mondays, peckerheads! Yeah, yeah. Been a while since I posted on here. Eh, let’s chalk it down to the world being overconsumed with dickheaded narcissism. And I wasn’t interested in contributing, really.

Also I forgot to pay the annual fee for the domain name.

But alas, now I’m back. And since there seems to be no seeming end to the burgeoning sociopathy, what the hell, let’s contribute! The hashtag du jour today seems to have gotten a few feathers ruffled. #ISaluteWhitePeople is trending, but mostly in an ironic fashion, which I believe is the point. I’m frankly sick of these stupid fucks who babble about eliminating racism, and then pigeonhole and insult white people under the same breath. Do they even realize their hypocrisy? Black Twitter collectively dons hoods to lash out at a 13-year-old white girls for wearing box braids, accusing her of appropriating black culture. But when asked why black girls feel the need to relax their hair, or wear blond wigs, they claim they’re merely ‘assimilating.’ Remind me what the fucking difference is here? I mean, other than the fact that it’s just a bullshit smattering of words parroted around in order to try and confuse the rebuttle. Recently Rooney Mara was given the role of Tiger Lily in the new live-action Peter Pan adaptation, and people of color lost their shit that the role wasn’t given to an ACTUAL Native American. But did anyone bitch when a black dude and an Asian dude appropriated white roles in the Thor movies? Well, people of color did. They wanted Marvel to give them MORE characters. The cup is never full for some of these fucking babies.

And that’s what I think this #ISaluteWhitePeople is all about. It’s to force these hateful assholes out into the open. One black dude tried to be ironic by tweeting “#ISaluteWhitePeople because white people are so fragile they need to constantly validate themselves.’ I’m surprised he didn’t hashtag #blackpower behind it, honestly.

And then there’s this dude.

Okay, where do we begin? First off, if that was tea you were drinking, it was some weak piss, buddy. Secondly, I’m loathe to listen to ANYTHING some guy with a manbun is saying. But yeah, you have a point, but you seem to have also missed the point of the hashtag. Also, clean your fucking apartment, ya big nasty. Fuck any advice you may have.

And finally, if you’re going to lambast white folks for centuries of slavery, you might want to remember your own peoples’ history:

arab

All in all, I guess it’s not a terrible thing to love being white. It’s just when you’re the perceived ‘superiority,’ it just comes off as ridiculous. So I’m hoping this trend is an attempt to make humanity a little more ‘woke.’ I don’t think some of the ones protesting and mocking this realize they take liberties at insulting whites the same way my great grandfather’s generation openly mocked blacks. History is repeating itself far too much. We should just try and not be assholes about this stuff.

Oh, and if #ISaluteWhitePeople ISN’T meant to be ironic, then it’s just dumb as fuck.

Fans or Fealty?

Recently, the lead singer of one-hit wonder Survivor lambasted Mike Huckabee for using their song in his support for homophobe-under-the-auspice-of-Christianity Kim Davis. Now iconic group REM are chiding Donald Trump for his use of their song “It’s the End Of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” during one of his campaign rallies. Before that, Neil Young gave him shit for using one of his songs. Not too long ago, the lead singer of Maroon 5 (Adam something, as a blogger I don’t really need to do research on people I don’t give a fuck about) shit out an incendiary tweet telling Fox News to stop using his music on their ‘evil fucking channel.’ And prior to that a band I originally thought was a girl group, the Silversun Pickups, and Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine (read: white people, I guess) chastised Paul Ryan for his use of their music as campaign filler and workout music, respectively.

Of all these people, maaayybe Tom Morello has a point. But not really.

Because EVERY one of them only threw their shit-fits because the politicians using their music were Republicans.

That’s not to say Democrats haven’t been called out for using artists’ works for their campaign. Charlie Crist was sued by David Byrne for usage of his song “Road To Nowhere” as a smear campaign against opponent Marco Rubio. Cyndi Lauper vocally expressed her disapproval of Barack Obama’s staff using “True Colors” in a smear campaign against Mitt Romney. See a bit of a trend here? Some artists don’t like you using their music to shit on other people. Pretty understandable, if you ask…well, ANYONE with a lick of sense.

Barack Obama also received notice from Sam Moore opposing his use of “Hold On, I’m Coming” for his initial presidential campaign. However, now-President Obama received a very respectful letter, congratulating him on breaking barriers, but since Moore considers his vote a very personal thing –which it SHOULD be- he didn’t want people thinking he was endorsing any particular candidate.

Okay, full disclosure: I DID do a little research on this piece. Adam Something from Maroon 5’s last name is actually Levine. Oh, and I couldn’t find a single instance where someone told a Democrat to ‘go fuck themselves’ for using his or her music.

But fuck ALL of these guys, not just the ones I mentioned in the first paragraph.

Why? Well, for starters, if you have a problem with someone using your music for ANYTHING, take that shit up with your music licensing group, not the person committing your personal fucking faux pas. Secondly, what kind of asshole thinks he can pick and choose who appreciates their music? I’m reminded of something Thomas Jefferson wrote to William Hamilton,

He probably wouldn't have said this if he had Facebook.

He probably wouldn’t have said this if he had Facebook.

Granted, these dickheads clearly aren’t expected to rub elbows and declare lifelong friendships with the campaigners they oppose politically. But what’s the big fucking deal? When I was in college I was in a band called the Fatter Day Saints (hence the name.) We’d gained a little ground in the Denton music scene over an impressively short span of time before a little bad luck with heavy drug use and disappearing band funds caused us to split up. But if I had known some polo-wearing douchebag absolutely loved our 80’s buttrock sound with an old school punk lead singer, would I take umbrage? Probably not; people are multifaceted creatures. Their taste in fashion may not match their taste in music. And I’m just thankful someone, ANYONE could appreciate what we did.

But let’s get down to what I think is the root cause for most of the problems these artists have: they’re afraid the fanbase that more readily identifies with their politics will boycott them if they find out their music is played at a Trump/Huckabee/Palin rally. And they fucking KNOW they have little legal recourse due to the licensing check they receive in the mail regularly. So what do they do? Bleed their pussy mouthpieces out on social media letting their blind party fealty followers know that they would NEVER endorse THIS particular dickhead because of the different letter in apostrophes behind their name. And really, they’re probably overthinking the whole thing. When I heard Mike Huckabee introduced some hateful little summer dress and longjohns-wearing sea turtle to the stage using “Eye of the Tiger,” did I immediately remove it as my ringtone? Of course not. You can call me right now, and my pants will play an empowering riff.

Long story short, MUSICIANS: please don’t worry about this shit. You may be disenfranchising someone who’s a fan and may just be misguided in their politics. Lend your influence by stating why you don’t want this particular candidate; perhaps your insight might allow them to rethink their position on whether or not Trump is qualified or capable of handling the highest position in the nation. But ‘go fuck yourself’ sounds like a jab at not only Trump, but his supporters as well. And those people didn’t do shit to you (unless you want to count all that money they put in your self-absorbed pocket.)

LIFE Matters

drphil

Hiya kids! Consider this shit-piece a bit late in the game, but I want to put my two cents in on this subject (actually it’ll be less than two cents; I haven’t made a goddamn dime off this site, which is officially 2 years old this month, by the way.) You see, I’ve actually been a proponent of this movement, and understand fully what Black Lives Matter is supposed to mean. Yes, ALL lives matter, but recurring years of judicial inequality reveals that black lives SHOULD matter as much as everyone else. However, the reason I know this is because I’m a reasonably intelligent person. Unfortunately, one must constantly be reminded of an old quote by George Carlin: “Think of someone you know who is of average intelligence. Then remember half the world is dumber than that guy.” With that in mind, it’s very likely those who spearhead the #BlackLivesMatter movement fit into the far spectrum of the ridiculously dumbassed half of the world’s population. Why? Because rather than reaching out to them, they choose to ostracize their white allies. They vocally spew hateful rhetoric against cops, and when NINE of their fellow dumbfucks act upon that rhetoric in the span of a week, they pretend like it had nothing to do with them. It’s similar to Critical Race Theory; saying racist shit about white people –actually, ANYONE who is not black, really- then pretending that due to centuries of “systemic, institutionalized oppression” they cannot be racist by their own definition (not the ACTUAL definition, mind you.)

In reality it’s just a good excuse for bad behavior. And unfortunately for people experiencing tangible racism in their lives, these boys who constantly cry wolf are fucking up whatever chance they may have for resolve.